some times ago

It’s an easy story.

And ridiculous.

There are things in our life which are unexplained. There are feelings which come to our hearts even if we don't want them; maybe because we don't want them. There are thoughts we prefer to avoid, but they always come back. There are ideas and needs that push us through life; they might be unreasonable, but they are stronger than any rational decision (our will).

One day, not long ago, I got a feeling that dance is what I should do with my life. Absurd in some way, but I went for and into it. 

Since I began this adventure, I: 

attended dance schools

broke my pelvis

stopped dancing

started to dance again

finished undergraduate school

went to another

got expelled

came back

left it

quit dancing

came back

hate it

and love dance again twice as much.

Some time ago I started to realize that dance isn't something I want, it's something I need to do. I feel that my soul has danced before. In another incarnation, another time, I danced in another body... And now, I just feel unfulfilled longing to dance. I have to dance,  because it is written deeply in my body's cells, soul and mind...even if I do not want to do it. It is a need of mine. 

I checked it out.

I meditated long hours, took psychedelics and hallucinogens, was under hypnosis; I danced almost into death.  There are always the same pictures coming through my mind.

DANCING. Fuck. Dancing crazy, beautifully, as I have never done and don't think I ever will be able to do. Like a bird, a fish, like an angel. There is PURE MOVEMENT coming to me.  It is unity of body and mind and soul. It is UNITY.